The Ethical Dilemma: When Doing Right Feels Wrong for the Client
Let’s talk about one of those gut-wrenching moments in therapy—the kind that leaves you staring at your notes, second-guessing yourself, or replaying the session in your head. You know the one: when sticking to your ethical guidelines feels like you’re doing the exact opposite of what your client actually needs.
It’s confusing, isn’t it? You’re trained to do what’s right, but sometimes “right” can feel wrong.
That awkward tug-of-war
Imagine you’re working with a client who’s been through a lot. They’ve opened up to you about their trauma and the trust between you feels solid—until a situation triggers a mandatory reporting requirement. Ethically, you know what you have to do. You’ve been trained to prioritize their safety, even if they don’t see it that way. But everything in you is saying, This is the last thing they need right now.
And you’re right—it’s complicated.
You follow through because your ethical obligation is clear. But from your client’s perspective, it can feel like abandonment. They might think you’ve chosen the system over them.
Ouch, right?
When clients don’t see the “right” side
Ethical decisions often bring consequences that clients don’t immediately understand—or may never agree with. Take confidentiality, for example. You might have to break it to protect their safety or the safety of others, but to the client it can feel like the ultimate betrayal.
That’s where the tension lies: ethics often serve the bigger picture, while therapy focuses on the personal, immediate picture. Your client’s world is right here, right now, and they’re likely thinking, How could you do this to me?
And honestly? It’s okay to feel that sting. It means you care.
You’re not a villain—you’re a human therapist
No one tells you in grad school just how tough therapy ethics can be. Sure, they drill the rules into your head, but they don’t warn you about the emotional rollercoaster that comes with them. It’s not always clean-cut, and it’s definitely not always easy.
If you’ve ever felt guilty or questioned yourself after making an ethical decision, you’re not failing. You’re just human. Ethics aren’t designed to feel good all the time. They’re designed to protect people, even when that protection is misunderstood.
You’re allowed to feel the weight of that responsibility, but don’t let it convince you that you’re failing. Instead, let it remind you that you chose this field because you care enough to wrestle with the hard stuff.
Bridging the ethical gap with compassion
So, what do you do when ethics clash with your client’s trust? You bridge the gap with transparency and compassion.
- Prepare them early: Don’t wait until a crisis hits to explain your ethical obligations. Talk about the limits of confidentiality and mandatory reporting from the beginning.
- Be direct in the moment: If you have to make a tough call, be honest and direct. Acknowledge the difficulty with compassion and reiterate that your role is to keep your client safe.
- Follow up: Don’t drop the conversation once the decision is made. Follow up and help your client process their emotions. They need to know that even if they’re angry, you’re not going anywhere.
- Take care of yourself: You’re not immune to the emotional toll of ethical dilemmas. Supervision, peer support, and personal therapy can help you process your own feelings.
It’s okay to feel uncomfortable
So, the next time you feel that pang of guilt or hesitation, remind yourself that doing the right thing doesn’t always feel right. You’re not in this profession because it’s easy—you’re in it because you believe in growth, healing, and doing the best you can for your clients.
And sometimes, that’s messy.
